Tag Archives: breaking up

What the hell am I s’posed to do?

Along with my poetry, I’ve posted some song lyrics that I’ve written. But I feel like it doesn’t translate as well when it’s meant for music. The words do not always carry the natural rhythm–sometimes it’s something that’s in the music.

So instead I’ve decided to post a video of me playing the song. This is a song I wrote called “What the hell am I s’posed to do?” The lyrics are below the video.

I’m scared to death that everything’s a lie.
I’m scared to find out that you don’t control my life.
I’m scared to hell that heaven’s in your eyes.
I’m tired of being scared ’cause it’s running out my life.

I look at you and you say,
“What the hell am I s’posed to do?

I will be your hell hound when you die.
I’ll be sleeping in that hole behind your eyes.
I’ll be running until everything’s alright.
I’ll keep running till I reach the fucking sky.

I look at you and you say,
“What the hell am I s’posed to do?”
When I woke up you said,
“I will run away from you.”

I look at you and you say,
“What the hell am I s’posed to do?”
When I woke up you said,
“I will run away from you.”

Oh, what the hell am I s’posed to do?


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Driving home

I step over cracks on the sidewalk,
walking briskly to my car.
The air is cooler, thinner,
refreshing for the soul.
I notice a puddle in the gravel,
full of yesterday’s mysteries.
Children are racing in the street
on bicycles that look as though
they were just bought today.

The jingle of my keys
swinging through my pockets,
a sound so often overlooked
stands out even more than the stain
of orange juice on my pants.
Yesterday I had no time
to fix the small mistakes.
This morning I had no time
to change anything about
who I am.

Today is going to be different,
I can feel it in the cool air.
I pull my keys out, and reach for the door.
I’m standing over the world
like an idle god, a frozen idol.
An ideal dream.
I stand alone in perfection,
if only in my mind.

The engine hums a familiar rhythm,
a song to send me away.
Clouds hide the sun from my eyes.
Left hand grabs the steering wheel
right hand on the gear shift.
I pause, realizing
the radio was playing a song–
a song that had some meaning
to a life lived long ago.

I think of you for a moment,
and though I sigh at first,
I grin as I remember
the fool I was before.
And I cannot hide my smile
when I think of the man
I will become–
because I drove home.


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Sweet September

Skip the start, into the end
I’ll be long gone with the wind,
Waiting here again

Don’t believe the things you see,
It’s a faded memory
of a life you never lived

I’m just a shadow of a broken heart
and an empty mind
Left behind

Take a step into the wind
To see me once again
I’ll be fighting till the end

Ain’t no easy way to die
I cannot hear you cry
’cause i been gone away

Now i’m trapped under your rain
I’m soaked up with your pain
Another broken world

Forever i am lost in space
I do not have a face
I cannot fill the void

Evil sins fell off the noose
Troubles on the loose
Today is yesterday

So wake me up before we die
Keep me guessing why
We’re always years away

Forget the sweet september song
It’s gone before to long
Ain’t nothin else to say

Your Sweet September’s gone
Another lonely summer song

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One more time

The trees were a blur
out the window I stared.
You wouldn’t flinch,
you never really cared.

The music was loud,
but it couldn’t drown
the tension of goodbyes.
Now I realize we’re bound

to forget this ever happened,
this day that came from hell.
Forget I ever happened,
forget I treat you well.

Remember how we loved
and how we danced?
Remember how we vowed?
Zombified romance.

I’ll never stop loving you,
though you will torture me.
I’ll never stop missing you,
though you will never see.

Remember how we loved
and how you smiled?
Remember how you told me
you wanted a child?

All these thoughts and feelings
die inside this car ride
from Manchester to Murfreesboro.
I wish that I could die.

But someday you will think back
on this moment and many more
that warmed your soul and
you’ll regret slamming this door.

My face will rain for weeks and weeks
until my skin dissolves.
My mind will try to gather so
my aching heart resolves.

One more time, I love you.
One more time, I care.
One more time, remember me
I will always be right there.

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The part where I say goodbye

It seems at the start
As if the sky
Is endless and blue
Without ever a night
It seems at the start
Like I will never die
But this is the part
Where I say goodbye

It seems when it’s over
When it’s all said and done
I must have been wrong
When I said I’m the one
Who changes how you think
How you feel
Who changes who you are
Changes what is real
It seems at the end
Like I was always alone
It seems you really were
A girl I’ve never known

But this is the part
Where you ask me why
This is the part
Where I proclaim the world mine
This is the part where things can get tricky
This is the part where we will be undone

This is the part where I make you cry
Because, girl,
This is the part where I say goodbye

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